2026 Florida Pool Related Olympics. (You’re Watching, Right?)

The Venue:

What It’s Supposed to Look Like:

One important use of the pool for a working writer:

Another important use of the pool for a working writer:

The Careful, Skillful Maintenance (an actual Olympic event in itself—the NIGHTLY POOL COVERING EVENT)

Kindly notice that when properly covered it is very difficult to determine exactly where the edge of the pool actually is, especially if someone has carelessly placed lounge chairs close to edge…giving the illusion that there’s room to get around. (There is not.)

What It Should NEVER Look Like:

However, this humiliation was cleverly immediately turned into the culminating Olympic event of the 2026 Florida Olympic Pool Surfing Competitions, most of which my granddaughter proclaimed the Philippines to have won (she represented them in pool noodle surfing, and many other events. I was repeatedly fired for incompetence as both competitor and announcer). Is she Filipino? (you sensibly ask) No, not one cell of her is—both sides of her family are of European heritage. However–consider how cool it is that a friend innocently asked if she is–because she has brown eyes and tans easily despite full body sunscreen. So, a fine athlete, she generously represents them in all 2026 Florida Pool Surfing Olympic events. Yes, I love her a ton and this is typical of what a sweetheart she is.

Anyway, this last event, designed on the spot, involves a rare, complex, and exceptionally stupid skill:

Having failed to distinguish the edge of the pool from the pool covering, is it actually possible for competitor to disentangle herself from a pool cover that is a giant flotation device in order to remove herself—fully dressed in jeans and sweatshirt—to exit the pool?

How many team members will be required to assist and how long wlll it take? Will the canine team member be a help or an active hindrance if said canine jumps in to assist?

Was the closing ceremony Olympic torch extinguished in the pool or does it burn on, alcohol-fed until the competitor is actually out of the pool?

Stay tuned, folks. (And here you thought the Olympics were over!)

You’re invited (begged) to leave your comments below about whatever little known Olympic skill you might have mastered…I do believe that NBC fails to film many.